12-28-08

rbn: The only person that can arm wrestle Chuck Norris and survive ... is Chuck Norris himself.

12-27-08

rbn: "The Last Man Standing" is the title of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

12-26-08

rbn: Chuck Norris ushers in the New Year by popping the heads off ninjas.

12-25-08

rbn: Chuck Norris uses ninjas soaked in creosote for his yule log.

12-24-08

rbn: Chuck Norris' favorite party joke is to pull a ninja inside out.

12-23-08

rbn: Mattel once tried to market a Chuck Norris action figure. Unfortunately, the first one destroyed the design lab, assembly line, and everything else within two city blocks.

12-22-08

rbn: "Death Valley" is the name given to anywhere Chuck Norris lives.

12-21-08

rbn: Sir Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity after watching 16 ninjas hit the ground exactly one second after being roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

ksn: For leisure, Chuck Norris likes to demolish skyscrapers using only a single well-placed roundhouse kick.

12-20-08

rbn: Chuck Norris killed Rasputin.

ksn: The orginal ancestor of the ostrich was actually a fat chicken that Chuck Norris grabbed around the neck, tied its feet to the ground, and gave a round-house kick in the rear.

12-19-08

rbn: World War II ended when the United States threatened to drop Chuck Norris on Tokyo.

ksn: Chuck Norris exfoliates with a cheese shredder.

12-18-08

rbn: Time travel was invented in an attempt to get away from Chuck Norris. It didn't work.

ksn: The original lyrics to the song now known as Old MacDonald were these:

"Old Chuck Norris had a farm, C-H-U-C-K. And on that farm he had ninjas, C-H-U-C-K. With a round-house here, and a round-house there, here a kick, here a chop, every where a round-house. Old Chuck Norris had a farm, C-H-U-C-K."

12-17-08

rbn: Chuck Norris' car seats are covered with ninjahyde.

ksn: Santa Claus was real when Chuck Norris was a boy. Then he put coal in Chuck's stocking. Now Santa Claus is real...dead.

12-16-08

ksn: Babies cry when they are born because they were told only just beforehand that Chuck Norris would be on the earth, too.

rbn: The only things in life that are certain are death, taxes ... and Chuck Norris.

12-15-08

ksn: Chuck Norris always passes go, and always collects $200.

rbn: Chuck Norris always finds Nemo.

12-14-08

rbn: The only thing colder than absolute zero is Chuck Norris' icy stare.

ksn:  Chuck Norris came out with his own line of men's cologne called "eau d'ead ninja"

12-13-08

rbn: John Glenn unwittingly became the first American to orbit the Earth after forgetting to move out of the way while Chuck Norris was giving a martial arts demo featuring round-house kicks. Glenn circled three times before the Earth's gravitational pull could slow him down.

ksn: Chuck Norris does not experience a range of emotions like most people.  He only has one: deadly. 

12-12-08

rbn: A Chuck Norris round-house kick was once clocked at over 300 MPH, making it the most destructive force in nature.

ksn: Chuck Norris believes in being energy efficient.  That is why he never kills a ninja with two round-house kicks, when only one will do.  

12-11-08

rbn: "Continental drift" occurs every time Chuck Norris goes snorkeling.

12-10-08

rbn: Chuck Norris is the "natural" alternative to anesthesia -- just the thought of getting a round-house kick in the face puts most people into a coma.

12-9-08

rbn: A guy once tried to use a Taser on Chuck Norris. The resulting electrical surge electrocuted the poor stiff in less than two seconds.

12-8-08

ksn: The Disney company created and piloted a new ride for their amusement parks called "The Chucksperience." Unfortunately everyone on the first test run died. But seriously, Disney... what did you expect?

rbn: Some cowboys wear snake skin or alligator skin boots. Chuck Norris wears Ninja skin boots.

12-7-08

ksn: During the Cold War, U.S. and Soviet missiles were aimed at each other's areas of strategic importance. As such, 99% of the Soviet Union's weapons were aimed at Chuck Norris. (credit for this one goes to Mike)

rbn: Scientists now believe that Chuck Norris' body heat is responsible for the polar ice melt.

12-6-08

ksn: The original intent behind adult diapers was to allow grown men to maintain their dignity, even while crapping themselves with fear at the thought of Chuck Norris.

rbn: As a public service, McDonald's uses the signs at their restaurants to track Chuck Norris' dead ninja body count.

12-5-08

ksn: Chuck Norris never has to shovel his driveway because the snow instantly melts with red-hot fear when it realizes where it has fallen.

rbn: Chuck Norris is so fast that he can kill you 19 times before your body hits the floor.

12-4-08

ksn: Chuck Norris has the ultimate weight loss solution: one round house kick to the teeth, and you won't be able to eat anything for 6 weeks.

rbn: "Gummi Bears" were invented by the first ninja to take a roundhouse kick to the face.